My first STD was from a foam party
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
