Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
