Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
