you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
