Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
