So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I came so hard my ears popped.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your penis caused this!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
