so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
