It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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