I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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