You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
