I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize