i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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