I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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