They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
