We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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