yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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