What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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