I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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