Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
