i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
