guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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