He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
