Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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