Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
