I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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