Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
