my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
