So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
