i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
