just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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