You work out of a Hotel?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
