yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
