Screwed.edu
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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