The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
