I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
