No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The Olympian is in my bed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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