47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
