Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
