If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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