how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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