Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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