Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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