I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
