nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
