Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
