I looked at my own cervix.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
