apparently the secret to your success is patron
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
