and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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