U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
