People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
