You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
