I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
