i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
