theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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