so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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