i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
