So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
