i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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