Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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