I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
