I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
