everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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