Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
