The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
