are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
