Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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