Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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