We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
