so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
