you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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