Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
