I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
