I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
