I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
