So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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