dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
they need to just BURY HIM!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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