i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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