He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
