Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
