Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
