These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Terrible idea I love it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
