the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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