Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
