Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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