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• (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.

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• (631): View more from New York

  This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.

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• (1204): View more from

  Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  COCAINE IS GR8

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  "ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."

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