Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
