Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
