mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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