Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize