You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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