Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize