He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
