How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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