I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
