Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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