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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
