I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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