Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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