we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
