i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
