I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize