Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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