It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
