it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
