Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
