3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
