He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize